by Mani De Osu
If you lose your pace,
Find your rhythm in the ground.
The devastation in the shadows
Has dropped down the chain of command
And no one has seen the light.
I have heard this voice before. It shines in the desert like the shining sun betrothed in the light of itself glorifying the beautiful dance of the red. Since the day we were born, gunshots rang the hailing beat of our fists pounding the air for life. But we are not bad. We are not dead, and we long to live in peace. With a sash of bullets and a purse of M16s soldiers pass my sister, she does not know that there is anything else to see. But we dance, we dance and bend and our rhythm could shake the stars. Here we are free and beautifully clear we are in our dance. Hands moving from arms off of ecclesiastic movement, my dress floats like my voice and war cannot take me from it.
One day each month trucks come with food and we are always so hungry. The line is crowded and something does not feel right. The boxes of food say USA like hope may take us there one day, but in my heart, I want to stay at my home. My home where outside of war the mountain is peaceful and calm. The plains offer our nourishment and it is pure like my eyes. My father has gone away. Killed. Into pieces buried by my mother, and I have seen it all, but my eyes are still pure. For the horrors I have seen, I do not cry. I do not cry anymore. My mother taken, my father cut to pieces, and my brothers and sisters and I seeing ourselves in the flashing light of night gathered in darkness and now I cry. Remembering I cry because things will never be the same. We pray and my sister cries because she misses our mom. We pray and pray that we will be safe. Our faces in our hands, we are at the mercy of not ourselves.
The expanse of desert does not extend endlessly, we have a place to swim and play. The sounds of bullfrogs call the ever-coming night and back in camp we work to keep ourselves strong. I am strong, my music cavernous in the depth it carries for in me, I have seen the deeps. In this I forget the treacherous things I have witnessed. My brown eyes neared round the bend and at the schoolhouse for us they came. Woken by a bayonet opening the door my hands groped for a place to hide. Scurrying with no way out, trapped like bait in a cage, guns pointed and threats flying, my brother was beaten and taken, separated I have no other family left. The rebels came and took and took and me I saw the most terrifying things. I have seen the terror, blasphemy under the full lit moon and this is what I escape when I play. I can beat the rebels to their end in my beat. Pound them to nothing with my rhythm.
No stopping, no slowing, the round huts stand in circles endless in 50,000 homes for us to stay. The collar on his shirt makes me wonder how we will do in front of a judge. There is much sorrow and determination in our eyes. There is wonder in the way that we sing Christian choral music and the rape of the African mind continues. Always trying to appease the absconding of our culture but we only wish to win. The blues of uniformed classmates, constant downturned mouths for some, the culture says, you shall not survive the winter. There is something wrong. I do not think that I should be living this way and in one mistake I have so much to do. I am soft spoken because no one wishes the hear what I have to say, but I care so delicately for all in my charge and I sing sweetly to calm myself. My mother in my dreams comforts me and in the fields we play. I think of when they came and how she saved us, and we saw them crawling slow and low to the ground. I cannot open my eyes too wide for fear that what I have seen will come back to my vision once more. The smoke, the torture. My eyes are fierce like a lion, my eyes ready to strike down the wicked prey that are the rebels. But I cannot with force, so I must with my music. I sing sweetly for the dead and for the living, I sing sweetly to ease my mind and soothe my heart.
Music like boats to let us sail away, cans like tin to make the sound of wind to move our musical ships. The instructor has a rip in the right elbow of his shirt sleeve and we sit foot to foot and play our journey away from here. Here we are free and our instruments are the vessels with which we move. Heads bob and shoulders roll in opposing ways to create a random order but the teachers do not realize they are trapped in the white mind leading us all astray away from who we really are. Who we really are are the origins of all. We are the organic naturals that have led and given the world all that it is and has. From us came the style, from us came the rhythm, from us came the resources to fuel all the world.
I came to the lieutenant to ask for my brother. The rebel soldier kept must know where he is. They treat me here like I do not deserve much help. I hold my fingers and hear the news nonchalantly that due to orders he was killed and sitting face to face with a defected rebel tells me the truth, “When you have more children, you have more power.” Through thatched roofs I do not know of the rest of the world. The rest of the world does not know of me. Yet I will be known. God is mad, I think, but in reality he is not because it was not by choice I did the things I did. There was nothing but destruction and absolute fright. My eyes hold more than most of the world has seen in this time. I did not want to kill them, but they had guns to us, no time to cry. They did this to keep us from being children, from being life. And then they told me I was brave. No consolation for the act committed, no nothing could be done to save me from that part of myself. They too, trapped by the white mind that says go and take what is not yours. Take and take and take and do not leave until you have taken and raped all in your path. And for what? For what? To impress the very people that only wish to cut them and take what they have.
With rhythm, we find how to move ourselves in freedom again. We see ourselves released from the bounds of what we have been forced to see. We get to be with all our family from many many generations and with big smiles we find the back and forth that has moved our tribe for all of time.
My mother is young like me. We go to the spot where she buried my father and it opposes the luscious green of the field where he lies. And here I cannot take it anymore. I have not cried, I have not cried, and here I am where he lies and I wish only to lie with him in the ground. I have turned into an invalid for my sadness. It makes my mother sad and my head is stuck to my right shoulder in grievous play and my mother tells me it is not safe to cry this way. There are rebels still and we sit and the air holds us full. The clay bricks support our backs as I gather myself.
Plumes of white we make to feather our heights we will show to the world that we are not to be forgotten. We are not to be dismayed because we are strong in ourselves. For all the tremor, for all the pain, we smile and we smile. We play and gather water for the real day we see the morning light. For the real day we prepare for the light of our eyes to shine for the face of the world. I am going because I must. I must because this is all we have. All we have is the rhythm of our sound and we will play and we will play. A great send off to the wind of freedom. To the protection of the road, God likes patience. And in the city we have made our pace, steady with the rhythm of ourselves. Steady with the heart that beats in all of us as one because we have all seen our own horrors that unite us in what we must overcome. In our destination we reach our hopeful stance of letting our light be known.
Sleeping in our roaming lives, waking in our brightness, we walk and stand as one. It is the shaking that gives us the courage to carry on. We are all as one, if we lose our pace we find our rhythm in the ground as we are all together as one. Our hope is one in our instruments as they are one with us. They are our only escape from our closed eyes that have seen too many sordid things.
Now there is a jacket covering his torn sleeve and we move like we do to show our beauty to the world. Leaning together in the sound we are bright like the day is light. In joyous sound you would not know the things we have seen. In our eyes now we have seen something new. Now we have seen peace in a life we have not seen before. We are the very peace we wish to live and in our hearts we are at home. Our plumage out in white and red, we show that we are greater because of what we have seen in tri-patrios we prepare to show what we are. We are the very life that was given to all, that has not been extinguished in the name of any malice or spite or trying to prove to the whites that you can be like them. No, we are the light shining brightly in the betrothal of the day and our marriage call is our dance. Our freedom song is our heart beat that carries us on and how do we see that we are one in many, and in the many we are one?
The drum begins. The cry sounds the forward march and onward we go. We find our rhythm in the ground of our sisters’ steps, of our brothers’ marching triumph in overcoming in green, white, red and tanned hide we are our own best friends dancing for what we are as freedom and peace. We are our salvation as we move beautifully together as one and in our hearts we are the light. We are free to be the life we deserve in the fresh air we feel our homes. The homes that were taken from us, our parents that were taken from us, we smile and we smile as fearless happy warriors of dance and now in our eyes you see light, bright and full of the future. You see us now not as unfortunate, but the brides of the future in glorious hope engaging stance and now you see where we come from and who we are.
We are the children of light, we are the children of the world, we are the children who will now not be forgotten for the glory we have shown of championing the wretches of man. We are the ones who in the spirit of the all the beauty of the creation, in the name of the divine, have given a view of the voice you have heard before but never seen.
If you lose your pace,
Find your rhythm in the ground.